And Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting
by pianomaestra
Summary: Kakashi was almost excited about having a genin team--right until he actually met them. Pure Eyeshield 21/Naruto crack. Slight Yamato/Sena.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Why? Well…why not?

Note: Sena=girl to mesh with the usual team dynamics (or at least that's what I tell myself…). What would we do, after all, with our obligatory somewhat useless female character? (though, in all fairness, Sena isn't really all that useless…)

Edit: People seem to be misunderstanding, but…this is a one shot. Like, srsly. (NOTE THE COMPLETE SIGN UP TOP, MMKAY?)

Edit 2: You know what? You guys are so awesome (and I am such a sell-out) that I'm opening this back up again. Yay! (yay?)

* * *

It had taken quite a while for Kakashi to work up any kind of enthusiasm for having a genin team. Even the enthusiasm he _had_ managed to work up was an extremely small amount. Just thinking of having to deal with snotty, whiny kids who were constantly complaining, almost getting themselves killed, and setting things on aflame with poorly controlled fire jutsu made his hairs go gray (the only reason no one could see any changes was that his hair was _already_ quite gray). Hatake Kakashi did _not _deal with children.

But after long, long hours of contemplations, long hours of imagining the gory deaths of the ones responsible for talking him into this, he began to see the other side of it. He became seduced, just a little, by the dream every potential teacher has. Maybe, just maybe, he had the chance to inspire a young talented ninja. He could instill his own values, raise a young, impressionable kid to be _something_. He could be admired and looked up to. Of course, he'd kill anyone before ever admitting that out loud, but…it was a nice thought.

Right up until he opened the academy door.

He'd purposely waited three (or was it four?) hours until making his way over there, so he expected some degree of annoyance directed his way. Maybe even a little resentment or anger. But the three genin he saw in that room were certainly not any of the above.

One boy, with flamboyantly yellow spiked hair and pointed ears (he looked like an evil elf) flicked a barrage of kunai at his future teammates. Kakashi was impressed in spite of himself—he was firing those things off almost faster than the eye could see. His accuracy was also good enough to ensure that he didn't spear one of his teammates in the head.

The victims' reactions varied. The team's kunoichi--a tiny, delicate girl, with medium length hair that still managed to stick up at the top--dodged the barrage with a look of sheer terror on her face. But despite the terror, she _did _dodge. Every single last one of them. A slight bend of the head, shift the body that way, then this way—she made the smallest of movements and came out completely unscathed.

The other one was…slightly different. He was very tall for his age and, unlike the blond, leaned more towards muscled than lanky. A head of brown hair framed his face, and under it, most disturbing of all, lay a bright smile. Kakashi swore his teeth glinted. He didn't manage to dodge every kunai, like the kunoichi did, but the ones that did hit him bounced harmlessly off his skin.

"It's nice to get a little exercise after all the waiting, isn't it?" he turned his beaming smile (of doom) on his teammate. He didn't even sound winded.

"Hiiiiiiieeee!"

Here, apparently, was a group of super-powered genin. And one was apparently trying to massacre the others. So much for teamwork.

"Um," Kakashi said, not sure how to interrupt the…whatever it was. "Did I come at a bad time?"

The blond's eyes flicked his way at the sound of his voice, and immediately pocketed the kunai he was about to throw.

"Right as scheduled, Kakashi-_sensei_," he said, sneering over the last word, as if he were loath to use it (and he probably was). Then he gave the jounin a crooked smile.

Kakashi blinked—he had pointy teeth. Frightening.

The copy-nin cast a glance at other members of his team, careful to keep his expression neutral (and lazy). The girl had backed into a corner, staring wildly at her blond tormentor. She looked like a small, frightened animal. Rabbits came to mind. The other boy looked at her in mild concern.

He sighed and turned back to the instigator. "What exactly were you trying to accomplish with that?" he asked, gazing dispassionately at the kunai scattered over the floor.

"Figuring out what their abilities are," he said with another of those evil grins. "I thought it would be a good idea to know what I can do with them. For future reference."

He acted like he was the leader of the team.

Kakashi bit back another sigh as the kunoichi whimpered at the blond's words, further burrowing herself into the corner. The tall boy crouched down beside, trying to coach her out. Meanwhile, the blond whipped out a little black notebook from some mysterious location, followed by a pencil (from the same mysterious location), and furiously jotted down some notes. The jounin was able to catch "Kobayakawa Sena: scout/live bait" and "Yamato Takeru: human shield" before he whipped the notebook back into its mysterious location.

Kakashi wished he were far, far away at that moment. Maybe at one of the hot springs Fire Country was so famous for. Or maybe in the Hokage's office, strangling the man for making him do this in the first place. Or, better still, he could stay here, and put the fear of god into these brats who had no respect for teamwork.

But then, he did have a duty…

"When you're done killing each other, meet me on the roof."

He vanished in a swirl of smoke.

* * *

Five minutes later saw them sitting in an awkward circle, just beyond the roof gardens, almost at the edge of the building. The girl—Sena, wasn't it?—was having a particularly hard time. Seated between Hiruma and Yamato, she had no idea where exactly to sit. Inching away from the very frightening Hiruma meant being closer to Yamato, who was frightening in an entirely different way. He'd give her that creepy smile, and move even closer. Too close. _Way _too close. However, moving the other way was out of the question too. If she did that, Hiruma would give a weird, intense, stare, as if sizing her up. Most likely for his dinner later that night.

Sena looked imploringly at her teacher, begging him to come sit next to her, to offer some semblance of protection. He stared blithely in another direction. She whimpered.

"So," Kakashi began, after they had all settled in to the best of their abilities. "Why don't you all tell me a little bit about yourselves, hmm?" It was hard working up the drive. "Likes, dislikes, dreams? That kind of thing."

The three genin looked at each other, nonplussed (well, Sena was simply still scared out of her mind).

He sighed. "You, with the shiny teeth. Go first."

Yamato looked slightly affronted. But got over it rather quickly.

"My name is Yamato Takeru," he said, with that same refreshing, very creepy, smile. "My likes include testing my limits, struggling to overcome difficulties, talent, gardening, late night variety shows, and…." Here he purposely trailed off, giving Sena an exaggerated wink. She paled and scooched in the other direction, only to "eep!" and scooch the other way again when Hiruma gave her a curious stare.

Dear god, Kakashi thought, hand over his eye. Hormones.

"As for my dislikes…" He put his chin in his hand, and thought for a moment. "I suppose I'm not too fond of losing, or people who give up. I also don't like vinegar all that much—it tends to make me vomit." The last sentence was, for no reason at all, said with a particularly bright smile. "My dreams are…" and here again was the purposeful trail-off, followed by the wink in a certain kunoichi's direction. The blond rolled his eyes, muttering "you're twelve, for fuck's sakes" in a whisper that everyone was meant to hear. Sena didn't seem to get it, but pulled her scooch-this-way-than-that routine anyway.

"And of course, to be the strongest," he finished with a flourish, acting as if Hiruma hadn't spoken at all.

Kakashi waited for the rest, and frowned when it never came. "…the strongest at what?"

Yamato's face changed now, the happy smile become something…twisted. His eyes certainly weren't smiling anymore. "No qualification."

The jounin made a quick study of the genin, using information he'd known beforehand and information he'd just learned. His family had a special bloodline—they were able to form a kind of "stoneskin" at almost a moment's notice, giving him the ability to break through (or defend against) almost anything. He was driven, hormonal, and more than a little creepy. Assessment: slightly demented juggernaut. Slightly demented _pre-teen _juggernaut. Handle with care.

The grey-haired man pointed to the blond. "You. Go."

Hiruma stared at him as if he were something unpleasant stuck on the bottom of his sandal. Then he leaned against the step up to the roof gardens, putting his hands behind his head and crossing his ankles. "Hiruma Youichi," he started, giving Kakashi a vicious little smile. It was about just as frightening as Yamato's, if for different reasons. "My likes include blackmail, gathering new slaves, intimidation, and winning. There're quite a few things I don't like, but I'll make things simple for you. The one thing I can't stand is losing. Ever."

The smile dropped and he stared particularly hard at his teammates. The message he sent was very clear (_drag us down and I'll gut you slowly and painfully, mmk?)_. Sena, acting on instinct, tried to hide behind Yamato. He made absolutely no effort to hide how happy this made him.

"And I don't have a dream. I have a certainty." He paused for dramatic effect, which, of course, only worked on Sena.

"I'm going to rule the world."

They all stared at him, nonplussed.

Hiruma Youichi—only survivor to a clan that was in _no _way meant to resemble some family named Uchiha. Similarly, possessor of a special bloodline ability that allowed him to read his opponents' intentions and abilities. Which was also in no way meant to resemble some family named Uchiha (read: it was). As the survivor of a massacre instigated by his own father, people had initially intended to heap tons upon tons of pity, adoration, and sympathy on him. And if he had been some kind of sad, brooding, emotional little boy, he would've gained not only the love of the village but legions of fangirls as well (not that such a situation was based on _anything_, of course). As it was, however, Hiruma Youichi was Hiruma Youichi. People tended to leave it at that.

Yamato gave him a hearty slap on the back. "It's good to dream big, no matter how impossible it may be!"'

Hiruma gave a new meaning to the wordglare. "I said it wasn't a _dream_. And don't touch me ever again, fucking shiny."

"Oh? What was that you called me, Hiruma-kun?" Yamato's eyes were glinting dangerously, smile twisted once more.

"Fucking shiny. _Fucking. _Shiiinnny," he drew the words out, effectively reducing Yamato to a rather stupid six-year-old.

The smile became something closer to a smirk. "Well, having good teeth is better than being…" he cocked his head, "…I don't know, an elf?"

Hiruma leaned forward an intimidating gesture, which Yamato gladly matched, then flashed those pointy teeth of his. Poor little Sena was left sandwiched between the two. She looked like she was about to pass out. "At least I don't blind people when I walk down the street."

"S-sensei," Sena whimpered, as Yamato shot out another rebuttal. Soon, she feared, there would be an all-out, apocalyptic battle between the two, and she would be drawn into it. And it would especially apocalyptic for her, considering she wouldn't live through it.

Her last hope, the person she was counting on, her potential lifesaver, was currently leaning back, head titled up at the sky in an attempt to ignore everything—reasoning being that, if didn't intervene, the two boys would just kill each other. That meant for two less genin he had to teach.

He could almost feel her despair as she realized he was going to do absolutely nothing. _Don't look, _he told himself. _If you look, you'll just---_

And of course, he looked.

Two big brown eyes. Two big brown, sad, panicked eyes.

_Oh god I'm killing a cute little animal_. And she wanted to be a _ninja_?

In one fluid move, Kakashi got to his feet, took a step over to Sena, yanked her out from between the two genin, and away from the grip on her shoulder Yamato had maintained. Then he nudged Hiruma backwards with his foot, and tried to push Yamato back with his free hand.

It was a little disconcerting that the genin didn't even budge, but seeing Hiruma sprawled out on his back, eyes wide as quarters, made everything worth it.

"Well, _that_ was productive," Kakashi rolled his eyes, safely depositing the kunoichi by his side. She landed in a dazed lump, then turned grateful—no, _reverent_—eyes on him. "I'd like to get this done sometime this century. If you two want to beat each other up, fine, but do it _after _I leave. Understand?"

Hiruma, picking himself back up, scowled, sent a quick hand into his pocket and flying at his jounin teacher. Yamato watched the display with a mild smile, a few notches down from its usual intensity (his version of "displeasure, apparently).

"Very mature," the jounin said, catching the weapon between his fingers. Hiruma grunted, looking aside as if the ant crawling next him had thrown it. He nudged Sena, who had jerked in the other direction at the sight of impending doom sent in a neat kunai package. "Your turn."

Yamato looked up now, staring at the girl in no small interest. Similarly, Hiruma turned his full attention her way, quietly assessing.

Sena felt, quite frankly, a little like a prize piece of beef. This made things difficult.

"U-um," she started, eyes fixed firmly on the ground. "My name is…Kobayakawa Sena…?"

"You're not sure?" Hiruma snickered. Kakashi thwapped him on the shoulder.

She stared at them for a second, gathering courage to start again. Yamato giving her what was meant to be an encouraging smile delayed matters.

Sena took a deep breath. "I like people who don't throw things at me or make me run errands for them," she said uneasily. Kakashi frowned, knowing now that it was possible to feel even _sorrier _for her than he did before. "A-and…I like those little chocolate things they sell in that shop by the Funnel Store." (A store that exclusively sold funnels, for whatever purpose customers decided to use them for.)

"Those chocolate bong things?" Yamato spoke up. "You have great taste, Sena-chan—they really are good!"

The jounin stared at them for a minute. Hiruma cackled quietly in the background.

"You two…" he sighed, feeling the beginnings of a very bad migraine. "You _do _know what a bong is, right?"

"A pipe?" Sena cocked her head.

"Of course I know what a bong is," Yamato said calmly. "It's a pipe used to smoke mari—"

"_Okay_," Kakashi cut in, before the genin could corrupt the minds of youth everywhere (or Sena's mind, as she was the only one there that remained remotely uncorrupted)—or before Hiruma injured something laughing like that. "Why don't we forget that ever happened? In fact, let's definitely forget that ever happened."

Sena looked anxiously at her teacher. "Is…is there something wrong with, um, bongs? Am I doing something wrong? I'm not doing something wrong, am I? Oh god, I am, right?" Her eyes were nearly popping out of her head, and her breaths came shorter and shorter. _Panic_ _attack_ _T-minus_ _five seconds_, Kakashi thought with a mental groan.

"The only thing you're doing wrong is being a fucking idio—"

The jounin shut Hiruma up with another thwap to the shoulder. Yamato helped with a complimentary shove. "No Sena," he muttered into his hand. "You're not doing anything wrong."

"But—"

"Why don't you just continue?"

She closed her eyes, took a few more deep breaths, and tried again. "O-okay. Um, my fears are—I mean! I mean my dislikes, um…" she trailed off, glancing quickly at her two teammates. It was _very _subtle. "I guess I don't like bullies all that much either, or, um, people that charge me too much for rent or refuse to sell me things or spit at me in the streets. Well, I guess they have their reasons, but--"

There should've been a weepy violin playing in some corner. There should've been a swell of sad music. There should've been some tragic figure in his death throes. _That _was how depressing Kobayakawa Sena was.

Yamato gave her a few reassuring pats on her shoulder, face deeply sympathetic. "I would never do that to you, Sena-chan."

She yelped and burrowed further into Kakashi's side at the touch. If Yamato felt anything whatsoever at the obvious rejection, he certainly didn't show it. But then, the jounin thought that the boy would be leering at her even while the world was coming to an end.

"One more," he told Sena as gently as possible. Then they could all go home.

"Right," she muttered. "My dreams…well," she rubbed her head a little bashfully. "They're not as big as everyone else's, but…" For the first time since he had met her, Sena held her head up, looking at him with actual conviction in her eyes. "I…want to be able to protect the people who care about me. That's really that all that matters. Um, it's not that I think I'll be the strongest ninja ever, or anything." Weak ending.

"That's a great dream to have," Yamato told her, looking truly impressed.

"Pansy," Hiruma threw in, ruining the moment.

It was nice, though, to see life hadn't completely beaten Kobayakawa Sena to a pulp, even if it had reduced to the sad, scared little thing she was today. As the vessel of the falcon demon that had once upon ravaged Konoha, she was largely hated for no particular reason of her own. Even the kids hated her, if only because they thought they were _supposed _to. The bullying in her kunoichi academy classes had gotten so bad that she'd been transferred to work with the boys. This largely stopped the harassment, but only because the boys were afraid she'd give them cooties.

Kakashi was almost sorry he was going to fail her. Keyword being _almost_.

It was finally over. If Kakashi was an energetic sort of man, he would've leapt up and jumped for joy. As it was, he allowed him a small smile that, of course, no one would actually see.

"Well, if that's all—"

"Excuse me, but what about you, sensei?" Yamato cut in politely.

The jounin blinked.

"He wants you to answer your own damn question, _sensei_," Hiruma added, not at all politely.

"Oh," Kakashi said absently, rubbing his chin. "I suppose I can do that. My name is obviously Hatake Kakashi. I don't particularly want to tell you my likes or dislikes. I do have dreams…and I have a lot of hobbies too, I guess—"

"Bull," Hiruma interrupted, pulling out his black notebook. "Name: Hatake Kakashi. Chronically late and Maito Gai's self-proclaimed rival. Tends to read porn in public. Son of "White Fang" Hatake Sakumo, who committed suicide due to various reasons. Jounin teacher was the Fourth Hokage himself. Teammates were some girl named Rin and Uchiha Obito, who died during a mission and gave his Sharingan to Hatake Kakashi. Called 'Copy Ninja Kakashi' because of said eye." He closed the notebook shut with a snap. "I miss anything?"

There was a very long, very stunned silence. Hiruma grinned gleefully, relishing in the shock.

"….." What could a person say to that?

But Kakashi would be damned if he let the little bastard shake him. "…obviously you've done your research.

"Kekeke," he threw his head back and laughed. "No fucking kidding. I even managed to get a picture of you without the ma—"

And suddenly the notebook switched hands—Kakashi flipped through the pages, making the occasional "hm" and "ah". It took the smile right off Hiruma's face (which, consequently, was enough to put a smile back on the jounin's face).

"That's _mine_, you fucking cyclops—"

The words went completely unheard, as Kakashi found the page in question. He looked down at the picture, mildly impressed. "You weren't lying, I see." He cocked his head while Hiruma lunged for him, only to be held back by a bemused Yamato. "Not one of my best, though." He then tucked it into his vest pocket.

"Well, it was nice to meet you all," he said, standing up. Sena winced—there was absolutely no enthusiasm in the words. "Meet me tomorrow at dawn at the training grounds. Oh, and don't eat anything—you'll just throw it up."

And he poofed mercifully away.

The three genin stared into empty space for a moment, not quite sure of where to go from there.

"Che," Hiruma muttered, before pulling out _another_ notebook from the mysterious place he always kept it (them).

Sena's eyes widened. _How many of those does he have?!_

He jotted down a few notes, then got up to leave. "Go ahead and eat tomorrow," he told them as he walked towards the stairs. "That fucking cyclops is trying to starve us out."

…_of what_? But he was gone, and there was no way to ask.

Of course, this meant that Sena was now alone with Yamato. She felt a shiver go up at her spine as she noticed the intent stare he was pinning her with.

"U-um," she said nervously, standing up. Yamato followed suit. "Well, I better get home. I have, um, groceries and things to get—"

He saw his chance. "Ah. Well then, why don't I help you? I don't have anything to do right now."

She paled. "No, that's okay. I can take of it." She slowly backed up towards the stairwell, hoping to put some distance between them.

It didn't really work. "No need to be so polite! Really, I don't mind at all. We can even get dinner on the way back."

By this time he was leading her down the staircase, arm over her shoulders. "But I don't think-"

"We can even get ramen—I'll treat!"

"Huh? Um, but I don't really like ramen…"

"You don't? That's strange…"

"…why is that strange?"

The door to the roof closed shut behind them. The sun gently set behind the building, a soft breeze blowing as if in farewell.

And somewhere, in some place, one jounin was counting the hours until he'd (hopefully) be rid of his genin team.

* * *

A/N: Yamato (well, okay, _this_ Yamato) just might be Lee and Sakura's lovechild.

…..yikes.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: HOMG I LOVE YOU GUYS. Thank you thank you _thank _you for all the awesome feedback. You guys are amazing, and I wish I could give you, I dunno, chocolate chip cookies. Tiny, pixilated cookies.

And whoa, so so sorry for an extremely late update. I was kinda writing the chapter one way and it seriously didn't work out. Then I tried writing it another way…and it _still _didn't work out. Also, I had to deal with the little business of um, moving to college. It took up a teensy bit of time (just a bit just a bit).

Anway, here's version numero tres. I'm still not completely happy with it, but…blame the writer's block! Sorry it's a bit fillery, but the thought of dealing with action scenes while also dealing with settling into college life and such was a bit too much.

Alright, explanation over!

* * *

Morning saw Sena locked in the most terrifying conflict of her adolescent life. Her hands shook, her eyes stared unblinkingly ahead, and her throat felt terribly dry. It was now or ever, but she just couldn't shake the hesitation. What if she was about to make the wrong decision? What if doing this caused her demise?

She shook her head, biting her lip resolutely. No, this was the only way. It was right. It _had_ to be done. Slowly, ever so slowly, she urged herself to reach forward with one trembling hand, to grab the object in front of her, and—

---opened the cereal box.

The flap slid loose absurdly easily, for all the mental anguish she'd gone through to accomplish it. It was almost a letdown—all the tension she'd built up floated uselessly away. There should've at least been some kind of explosion or…or poisonous gas. She unrolled the top of the bag, peering down at the bright marshmallow bits inside, and began to pour it into the bowl waiting underneath.

Then the second wave of her ongoing panic attack hit. Kakashi-sensei had told her not to eat breakfast this morning. Her grip tightened on the box, knuckles turning white. What if…what if it was a test? Would he come and examine their stomachs to make sure they followed orders? Or…or maybe he said it for her own good. Maybe there would a test where---where he would punch their stomachs a lot to test their endurance. She let out a panicked squeak as her mind conjured up images to follow the suggestion.

However, Hiruma had told her to eat. And he…well, he was Hiruma.

She sighed, sitting down on a wobbling wooden chair, putting the cereal box down on the table in front of her. It all really came down to who she was more afraid of. On the one hand, there was Kakashi-sensei, with a wealth of experience and a very real ability to make her career as a ninja go right down the toilet.

On the other hand, there was Hiruma. He blackmailed people on a regular basis, could fire off kunai almost faster than she could dodge them, and would probably have no qualms about killing her in her sleep. Plus he had pointy teeth. If she showed up _without_ eating breakfast, he would know—no x-rays needed. The retribution would probably be swift and terrible.

She thought about it for a moment, white and yellow heads swirling around in her mind. The white one smiled in a vaguely threatening manner, while the yellow one began to cackle incessantly.

…Time to eat.

Sena was so absorbed with the finer moral issues involved in pouring a bowl of cereal that she almost didn't hear her front door swing open. She did, however, hear the footsteps inside her apartment that followed. The box fell from her hands as she froze from a potent mixture of shock and fear. The front door had been locked. She _always_ locked that door.

She took a deep breath as the footsteps made their way through her tiny living room. So, it was a thief. Or a villager trying to commit a hate crime, but she really didn't like to think about that possibility. She could handle a thief—she _was_ a ninja after all. The only thing she needed to do was keep calm. And maybe grab something sharp and pointy.

The intruder was seconds away from coming through the doorway to the kitchen. Adrenaline pumped through Sena's veins—should she throw a punch? Go on the defensive, deflect his attacks and disable him? Considering she had all the strength of a kitten, probably this was the better option.

Unfortunately, Sena had a severe lack of foresight—she'd placed the nearest kunai underneath her pillow, in case someone happened to break in while she was asleep. The irony of the situation was, however, lost on her.

It wasn't a problem though. She could improvise. She reached over and grabbed the closest heavy object, then dashed over to stand on one side of the doorway, out of sight from the intruder. The minute he stepped through, she would make her move.

It vaguely occurred to her doing that with a frying pan covered in old food was slightly…_unninja-like_, but it would get the job done. It's not like anyone would, well, _see _her hit someone with a frying pan. And that was good, because it was probably going to look extremely sill—

But he had one foot through the doorway, and it was time to act.

She dashed forward, swinging the frying pan up from below as fast as possible. _Go for the nose_, she told herself. The nose was squishy and vulnerable and—

"The fuck are you doing?"

The sound of that familiar voice, more frightening than any robber's, stopped her mid-swing. She stared in surprise and horror as Hiruma snorted and swept past her into the kitchen.

"You," she started, eyes wide. "Bu—you---in my apartment!"

"Yeah," he said, eyes sweeping over the cracked ceiling, the stained and warped wood cabinets, a table that was missing one of its legs, and an oven and sink that looked older than time itself. Mounds of dirty dishes and old food were piled up everywhere in what seemed an attempt to hide how horrible the apartment really was. "This place is a dump, you know that?"

"I—you," she stared. "My door was locked, so I---I thought you were…um. I mean obviously you're not, but." She was silent for a moment, then finally sighed, lowering the pan to hang loosely at her side. No, he wasn't a thief. He was something much, much worse. And he was in her _apartment_. She swore she had nightmares like this.

"Oh, that lock? It was as shitty as the rest of this place. Didn't take much to pick it."

She choked back a whine. She'd paid good money for that lock.

His eyes fixed on the frying pan in her hand as a piece of dried cabbage floated off it and to the ground. "You were actually going to use that as a weapon?"

"Well," she muttered, wondering why all coherency had seemed to abandon her at the moment. Probably it had something to do with the fact that she was alone with Hiruma at the moment. Oh God, she was alone with Hiruma. This realization sent any hope she had of getting it together flying out the window.

"Um. I wasn't…I didn't know it was you, so." She looked down, up, anywhere but at the guy sitting in her kitchen. "But that was, um, the plan, I think. Maybe."

When she finally got the courage to look back at Hiruma, he stared at her with a look of complete and utter contempt. There were no words. They weren't needed anyway—Sena could clearly hear things "you are a very stupid person" going around in his head, only in the way he would say it. Like with the f-word, only that was really dirty and she didn't actually want to say it, even in her head.

Sena really wished that those termites living in the floors would finally finish their jobs and open up a hole for her to fall through. Unfortunately, bugs had a habit of never being where they were wanted, and this time was no exception.

So she quietly set the frying pan on top of a pile of newspapers near the stove, doing her best to forget about the pair of eyes watching her every move behind her.

"Um. So, Hiruma-san?" she asked carefully, thinking that there was _some _problem with the newspapers being so close to an open flame, but also thinking she was too frazzled to actually figure it out. "Why are you, uh, here?"

"Strategic meeting," he said, beginning to lean back in his chair in order to put his legs up on the table. He quickly reconsidered when he discovered just how unstable the chair was. "We need to be ready for whatever that fucking cyclops tries to throw at us today."

She blinked. "Cy-cylops?"

He rolled his eyes. "You _know_ who I'm talking about, fucking shrimp. Now sit down."

Sena practically _flew_ into a chair as Hiruma helped himself to her cereal—no moral debate necessary.

"Geez, I should've known you'd go for the sweet shit," he said, wrinkling his nose as colorful marshmallows came tumbling out of the box and into the bowl.

"You don't _have _to eat it---" Now that the fear had slightly abated, she was beginning to feel vaguely insulted.

"Anyways," he interrupted, getting up to raid her yellow, dented fridge—presumably for milk. "I wanna know everything you can do."

She frowned, eyes fixated on the sugary cereal. "Um, okay…but—"

"I just _know_ that bastard's going to want to test us, and I need to know what to tell you to do to kick the crap out of him. Course, you're free to try to hit him with a frying pan." He turned his head to grin at her from the fridge. "No, really, do that."

Sena couldn't believe this morning was happening. "But I don't want to kick the crap out of him."

"Aren't you just so _nice_?" Hiruma sneered, finding a half-full milk carton and bringing it over to the table, then shutting the fridge door behind him. "That was sarcasm, in case you missed it."

"No, I got that," Sena said weakly, watching as the other genin gracefully slid back into his chair.

"So as soon as that fucking shiny gets here, we're talking tactics," he said as he opened the flaps of the carton, intent on drowning the marshmallows in milk.

The kunoichi went rigid in her seat. Yamato was coming _here_? Two of the scariest people she knew where going to be together in her _kitchen_?

She had to blink rapidly to keep herself from fainting.

"Hiruma-san, shouldn't we be going to the training grounds? I mean, we're supposed to be there soon and I'm sure you'd rather be there than in my apartment—"

"That freak isn't going to show up for a few hou—" Hiruma's eyes widened as he poured the milk into the bowl, horrified as chunks plopped out to join the liquid. He hastily folded the flaps and set the carton back down on the table, backing away from it as if it were diseased."Jesus, how old is this?"

Sena looked uncertainly at the milk carton, not seeing the problem. "A-about two months or so. Why—"

Suddenly the ceiling shook, the tenants above doing something or other. It resulted in a shower of plaster on the floor and stove. Hiruma watched with an utterly neutral expression on his face as Sena darted out from under the floating white bits.

"Shrimp."

Sena looked at the blond warily, brushing off small pieces of plaster that had managed to fall on her shirt. "Y-yes?"

"Your apartment is crap."

Her face fell, and her gaze dropped to the floor as her cheeks burned with shame and the teensiest bit of indignation. Okay, so it wasn't like the mansions Hiruma must live in, and her neighbors were kinda mean, but it was _still _home. Besides, he was the one who barged in, insisting on some kind of meeting.

She snapped her head back up, intent of telling him _some _sort of heavily edited version of this. She couldn't be meek forever! She had to take a stan--

"C'mon, fucking shrimp, we're eating out." And he grabbed her arm, dragging her to the front door.

Or not.

She could barely open her mouth before he flipped open a cell phone he suddenly had in his hand, pushing a button and pressing it to his ear.

He waited a while, then grinned when it connected. "Guess who." You could practically hear the smirk in his voice. "I have a job for you."

Sena looked up at him questioningly, but Hiruma merely made a shooing motion towards the front door. She silently complied, mollified by the thought that he wouldn't be in her apartment anymore. And, come to think of it, Yamato wouldn't even see it.

She felt better now.

It was this small consolation that kept her from bolting as she followed Hiruma, currently focused on his somewhat disturbing cell phone conservation.

"There's an apartment I want you to work on. And it better be done by the end of the day." He continued to rattle off the address, which Sena, to her horror, recognized to be hers.

"Hiruma-san—" she half whined, half pleaded as they headed down the steps of her building and into the street.

He didn't even spare a glance in her direction. "Oh? You don't want to do it?" A disturbing grin came over his face—Sena backed up a few steps upon seeing it. "Welllllll, then what should I do with all those negatives of you and that duck—"

There was a frantic mumbling on the other end of the line. Hiruma threw his head back and laughed at what Sena assumed to be his victory. "I knew you'd see it my way. Have it done by this afternoon, or you _know _what'll happen." And he snapped the phone shut.

They walked in a silence for a few moments, Sena scurrying to catch up to Hiruma's longer strides. Finally, she took in a gulp of air and gathered the courage to ask him a question. "Um, what exactly was that—"

"Congrats, shrimp," he grinned. "You're getting a surprise later. You better be grateful for it."

A score of very unpleasant possibilities went through Sena's mind. "You—" she choked. Then lost it. "But I don't want a dead body in my apartment!"

He looked at her as if she'd gone completely insane (and it was a valid assumption). "The hell are you talking about?"

Any answer she would've managed to think up was forgotten as the pair turned the corner. Yamato was coming up the street, looking as perfect and cheerful as ever, despite the early hour. Sena was beginning to suspect he didn't need human things such as food and sleep.

He brightened at the sight of them and waved, jogging over to them. "You guys came out to meet me! That was really nice of you."

"Change in plans," Hiruma said, his tone a complete contrast to Yamato's very bright one. "We're eating out."

Yamato's face fell slightly. "What? But I thought we were going to have a meeting in Sena's apartment—"

"Now we're not," he said, still moving. Sena paused in the street, unsure of whether to follow Hiruma or wait for her other teammate. After a moment of deliberation, she gave Yamato an apologetic glance and ran to catch up with the blond.

"But…Sena's apartment," he said again, looking slightly crestfallen.

"Move it or lose it, fucking shiny!" Hiruma called over his shoulder.

Yamato sighed, then followed his other teammates.

"So, where are we eating?" he asked pleasantly, making sure to _accidentally _bump Hiruma's shoulder.

The other genin stumbled a few feet to the side, sending Yamato a death glare as the blond recovered.

"Ichiraku ramen, asshat," he grumbled, smoothly kicking his teammate in the shin as he stepped out with his right foot. He was visibly disappointed when this action seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the other genin.

"Wait," Sena suddenly piped up in dismay. "We-we're having ramen for _breakfast_? But, um, why would a person want to have ramen for breakfast?"

All she got in return for her questions were strange looks.

* * *

Ten minutes later saw them seated in a row of stools, three bowls of hot, salty noodles sitting in front of them. Sena stirred hers around with a slightly green face, wishing for the bowl of cereal and expired milk that probably would've made her sick anyways.

"…and I have this stoneskin jutsu—it's a family technique, really," Yamato said, quickly making a set of seals in demonstration. A layer of stone began to crawl up his arm, starting from the tips of his fingers. Sena looked at it in fascination, glad to have something to keep her mind off of her breakfast. "

"It's great for both offense and defense," he said, breaking the jutsu, then eating a few bites of his ramen. She stared as the stone cracked away from his skin, scattering in pieces on the tabletop and the ground around them.

He took another bite, then made a face. "Maybe Sena was right about having ramen for breakfast," he said, sweeping away the pieces of stone off the counter when the stall owner began to glare at him.

"Hey, if you can think of a cheaper place to eat, then I'm all ears," Hiruma said, jotting something down in that black notebook of his. "Your turn, shrimp."

Sena shrunk in her seat as eyes turned to her, wondering why she had to be in the middle _again_. "Um, well, I—" Then something occurred to her. "W-wait. Um, who's paying for this? B-because I left all of my money at home, and—"

Hiruma rolled his eyes. "Who do you think's paying? Now tell me your skill set already, before I kick your ass."

Her eyes widened almost comically. "Don't threaten her," Yamato cut in, giving Hiruma a disapproving stare. He leaned down, whispering, "just get it over with, alright?" encouragingly in the girl's ear.

Unfortunately, he didn't account for the invasion of personal space. She squeaked and jerked backwards, nearly falling off her stool.

"Geez, do you always have to be such a sissy?" Hiruma said, eyeing his own "breakfast" with no little distaste.

"_Hiruma_," Yamato warned, a little less than gently.

"You know, if you keep protecting her, she's always going to be this pathetic."

"Pathetic? You don't even know anything about her—"

"Uh, Yamato-san—" Sena said nervously, just wishing that, if they were going to fight, they would do it _without _her inbetween them.

"Stop trying to be the nice guy. You come off too creepy for that."

"Creepy, Hiruma?" Yamato smiled, unwittingly answering his own question. "Why don't you try saying that again when _someone's_ dumped a bowl of ramen on your head?"

At this point, Sena decided, the only option available was to make herself as little and unnoticeable as possible.

"Che," the blond snorted. "That's the only thing it's good for, anyway. Hell, whose idea was it to come here again?"

_Yours_, Sena mentally groaned, but couldn't find the strength of will to say it out loud. She found herself yearning for the apartment he'd mocked, insulted, and dragged her out of.

And suddenly a shadowed loomed above the trio, stopping the argument in its tracks. Three heads craned upwards to see…

…one very pissed off stall owner.

"Hey brats, do you know what time it is?"

Sena stared up, eyes owlishly wide. Hiruma looked away sullenly, while Yamato struggled for a polite answer.

"Er…around 7:30, I think?"

"That's. Right," the burly man responded, leaning forward and gripping the edge of the counter. "And guess how much sleep my 6-month-old let me get last night?"

Yamato struggled to find a way to remain diplomatic. "Sorry, I don't really understand—"

"_Two hours_," he boomed, a gigantic vein popping out from his neck. Sena wondered whether a lightning bolt would suddenly come down from the heavens and kill them all. Even Hiruma looked a little bit intimidated. "Now, since you seem to only be interested in insulting my food and driving my customers away, the three of you can eat somewhere else. Go bother some poor shmuck running a soba stand!"

Sena looked properly chastised, even though she was the only who hadn't actually done anything. Yamato did his best to put on his apologetic face, but stopped when he saw it wasn't doing him jack squat.

And Hiruma scoffed, looking around at the stand, thoroughly emptied by the confrontation. "Hell, you're driving out your customers all by yourself, gramps—"

"OUT!"

Yamato grabbed Hiruma's arm just as the other genin was pulling out a kunai, and the three fled from the scene.

* * *

A/N: There's more. I swear there's more, but this was getting long, and I wanted to have _something _up before hell froze over. Next part should come soon (a few days, maybe?), and then the bell test (eek, please bear with me)!

And it just occurred to me I have two papers to write by Thursday….*bawls*


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:Thanks for the awesome reviews! They're the best part of this whole process, I swear. College has kinda calmed down, except for the part where I have to do mountains of reading and writing and my roommate kinda sorta seems to hate me GAH. Uh, so, yeah.

Oh, and you know what would be _great_? If someone would point out a list of Naruto-verse jutsu I could peruse at my, um, leisure. Or hey, jutsu you make up would be cool too! (Action scenes are eeevvvviiiilll) In any case, any kind of help would be appreciated.

To answer some people's questions, Sena is technically in Naruto's role, but he acts like Hinata. And Yamato is kinda sorta Sakura, except that he is hella powerful and in no way useless. His crush also isn't all he thinks about, as you might see later. Hiruma is more or less Sasuke, but he is not a whiny emo douchebag (noooo, I'm not anti-Sasuke at alllll). Considering the ES21 characters _are _different than Naruto characters, they're not gonna fit perfectly in Naruto-verse roles, ya know?

And, since it would be boring if everything was the same, there'll probably be some plot variations, as soon as I, uh, think of them. (Mind process has gotten as far as Wave Country arc…or well, as it stands now, the _not_ Wave Country arc) Basically different characters will get you different situations, y'know?

…I keep writing really monstrously long author's notes (sorry!).

* * *

Dawn triumphantly swept through Konoha that morning. Tinges of reds and yellows and pinks outlined the horizon, making way for a sun that slowly edged its way to prominence.

Then an hour passed.

And another.

And then another.

Suffice to say by the time Kakashi finally woke up, it wasn't dawn anymore.

He stared at his alarm clock for a moment, then pondered his options. He should probably shower, considering it had been a day or two. Maybe he should get something to eat. Obviously he had to pay the memorial a visit. And oh yes, he had to fail his genin at some point. Probably that one should take priority.

After staring blankly into space for a minute, as he tended to do when he got up before noon, he got out of bed and went to grab a pair of pants.

* * *

Now, the thing about priorities was that they were relative. _Relative_. Sometimes, things got in the way of timeliness. Was it really appropriate for him to _not_ help that old lady across the street, just so he could follow the rules? What if there was as cat stuck in a tree somewhere? Should that poor animal just be left to suffer? Or if there was some path out there that could teach him an invaluable life lesson, should he risk missing it simply because he was rushing to—

At that point, it occurred to Kakashi that it was a little pathetic for a person to try to make lame excuses to himself. Luckily, being honest with himself brought no guilt whatsoever, and thus he blissfully continued with his daily routine.

He made a quick breakfast stop at a ramen stand (whose owner, for some reason, was strangely irate) and then headed over to the memorial, and proceeded to spend about an hour or so parked in front of it, immersed in ennui.

By the time he finally reached the training ground, it was around nine A.M. Kakashi thought it entirely possible that, during the four or three hours the team was forced to wait together, they'd completely massacred each other. He was almost sorry he hadn't been there to watch everything fall apart—

He stopped short. Looked to his left, looked to his right, even and up and down. This was the right training ground, but there was no sign of his genin.

Kakashi scratched his masked chin as he briefly thought about the implications of this. Possibly they'd already given up on the whole thing and gone home, though that seemed doubtful. If the three kids _had _actually beaten the snot out of each other, the jounin would see some sort of bloody aftermath. Or maybe—

He immediately turned at the sound of footsteps behind him. Lo and behold, there were his three genin, walking towards him as if they had absolutely no cares in the world. Even Sena seemed less of a nervous wreck than usual, if only because she was so focused on the food she had in her hands.

The jounin blinked, and squinted at the flat, pancake-like breakfasts all three genin were carrying. Hiruma looked up from his own food, staring right back at his would-be mentor, not a hint of respect or deference in his eyes. Yamato adopted a very similar stance, though he somehow managed to do it _much_ more politely. Sena froze for a second, a piece of pancake-like substance halfway to her mouth, her eyes darting between Kakashi and Hiruma. Tension crackled in the air.

"…are those crepes?"

Hiruma cackled, making a show of tearing off a piece of his and eating it right in front of the jounin. Sena, finally caving to the sweet aroma the crepe was giving off, popped hers into her mouth. Yamato ate in his own quiet yet defiant manner. "Nooo, they're _steroids_, fucking cyclops."

"Hmm. You _do_ have one for me, right?"

Hiruma's expression soured slightly, put off by how unflappable Kakashi was proving to be at the moment. "Of course we don't have one for you, you—"

"We did try to get you one," Yamato cut in, smiling, "but Hiruma got very annoying about it."

"S-sorry, sensei," Sena said quietly, unconsciously edging away from her blond teammate.

He was alternating between livid and incredulous. "_No _we did not get you one," he snarled, giving Sena and Yamato pointed looks. Yamato looked unconcered; Sena stifled a squeak. "And we _did not_ want to either. This is a fucking statement."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "We're not at war, Hiruma."

"Are you a fucking moron, fucking cyclops?"

"How many times can you use 'fucking' in a sentence, anyways?"

"Is that a fucking challenge, you fucking juggernaut with your fucking shiny teeth and your fucking—"

Kakashi slapped his hands over Sena's ears in a useless attempt to protect the innocent. The uneasy look on her face told him she knew what was going on anyway.

"If you use it that many times, it stops meaning anything—"

"—creepiness and your fucking wavy hair—"

Obviously this had the potential to go on for a while. Sighing, the jounin took his hands off Sena's ears, slapping one of them over Hiruma's mouth.

"Not even a metric ton of soap is ever going to make your mouth clean," he said, rolling his eye (probably the other one too, but no one could see that). "Now shut up and let me give you your test."

The group visibly tensed at the words, though none of them looked all that surprised. Kakashi took his hand away to see that Hiruma was even smirking.

" Bring it on, cyclops," he grinned, while his teammates exchanged uneasy looks.

The jounin was a tad put out. "Don't any of you have the decency to look like you swallowed a bug or something?"

Silence. Hiruma sneered, Yamato looked on blankly, and Sena...looked like she'd swallowed a bug.

_One outta three..._ "I was kidding, guys."

"About the test?" the littlest genin said, brightening.

He scratched his head. "Well, not about that part..."

"Oh," she said, deflating.

Now he was feeling _guilty _again. Damn. "Okay," he sighed. "Before any of you get me off track _again_—shut up, Hiruma," he said, just as the blond was opening his mouth. "I'll explain the test to you." He leaned forward, using his adult height to try to intimidate his genin. "_And none of you will say a word until I am finished._"

Sena looked appropriately scared. Yamato, at least, looked slightly cowed. Hiruma, on the other hand, seemed like he was trying to start a fire in the middle of Kakashi's head, but you really couldn't win with that kid.

The jounin reached into his pocket and pulled out two bells, holding them before the three brat—genin. Their eyes instantly fixated on the small objects swinging slightly to and fro, probably thinking they were some kind of explosives.

Kakashi wasn't that mean.

"Here's how it goes—you have until noon to steal these bells from me. The person who does the worst gets tied to the log out there," he said vaguely indicating it with a sweep of his hand. "Fail to get a bell, and you get sent back to the academy."

Kakashi was _that _mean.

Three pairs of eyes widened, one pair narrowing in the next instant.

"So," he said, enjoying having the upper hand. "You'd better come at me as if you want to kill me. Not," he glanced at a stern-faced Hiruma, "that I think that will be a problem. Clock starts..." he stared at the imaginary watch on his wrist, "...now!"

And they dashed into the forest.

Kakashi smiled, and pulled out an orange book. Well, at least it seemed like they had enough common sense to hide thems—

He looked up suddenly, feeling that something was supposed to be happening. All he saw, however, was rippling grass.

Kakashi shrugged and went back to his book, unable to shake the feeling that something was slightly out of place.

* * *

Hiruma was one of the people smart enough to hide himself right off. Obviously hiding wasn't going to win the day, but it was the first step to doing so. A straight-forward attack had a good shock factor that could be beneficial, but seeing as he didn't yet have the skills to back up such an attack, it would ultimately be useless.

He frowned as he raced through the undergrowth, being careful not to make a sound. He'd expected some sort of test, but hadn't thought Kakashi would actually send one of them back to the academy. However, it was hardly a surprise that the jounin would try to get rid of as many of them as he possibly could. That made the possibility of Kakashi being serious highly likely, consequently making getting a bell an absolute necessity.

Unfortunately, Hiruma was at a disadvantage there. He didn't have Sena's speed (though she'd probably be too busy being a coward to actually use this talent to her advantage), and he certainly didn't have Yamato's rock-solid body. This added to the fact that Yamato would likely try to form some kind of alliance with Sena to pass the test put Hiruma in a relatively bad position.

Really, the only option left for him was sabotage. He was _good_ at sabotage.

It would be all too easy. Just target the shrimp, and Yamato would go flying to save her. And the shrimp was a naive idiot, leaving Hiruma endless opportunities to screw her over. While the fucking shiny was occupied in digging his teammate out of whatever hole she'd dug herself into, Hiruma would find some way to get a bell. Then probably Yamato would finally get his act together, grabbing the second bell and completing their two-man team—

Hiruma froze, the nagging feeling at the back of his mind finally taking a solid shape. One person would fail. They would be a two-person genin team. _Two-person_.

Genin teams were three people, always. That was just the way it was done, and he couldn't recall a time when it was any different. He supposed they _could_ be shuffling around the genin who passed their tests, forming new teams, but a quick search of his memory told him that, when teams were formed out of the academy, they, barring mission-related deaths, remained the same throughout their genin careers. New policies could be coming into effect this year, but it was highly unlikely. A change of that nature to the ninja world would be very public, and would probably have a mass of people bitching and moaning about it.

Thus, Hiruma concluded in an instantaneous judgment, the only outcome of this test could be that the entire team passed, or the entire team failed. So why would that fucking cyclops lie about it?

Then the genin's eyes widened, and he hissed through his teeth. "That fucking _bastard!_"

He went off to find his teammates.

* * *

Yamato wasn't really one for intricate schemes or plans. It wasn't that he wasn't intelligent enough for them, but rather he didn't have the devious character. That, in all ways, was Hiruma's department.

Besides, schemes were for when a person didn't have the strength to defeat someone outright. The straightforward approach was honest, simple, and a true judge of ability. Given the choice, Yamato would always, always charge straight ahead.

However, this did not mean he was a suicidal moron. There was a time and place to charge straight ahead, and this was not one of them. So there Yamato was hidden behind a rock, watching his jounin teacher read a book. Waiting for right the _opportunity _to charge ahead.

Suddenly the sound of crunching leaves and snapping twigs nearly burst into his ears—someone was basically announcing their presence to him.

Yamato wasn't very surprised to see a head of blond hair pop out from around a maple tree, branches half full with bright red leaves.

"Hello Hiruma," he said as pleasantly as possible. "Trying to sabotage me?"

He snorted. "Don't try to act so superior when you're crouched behind a rock, dumbass."

Yamato would _not_ blush, he would _not—(_he did stand up, though).

"Well, let's just get the mind games over with," he said, a touch more gruffly than usual.

"I'm not here to play mind games, fucking shiny." The nickname wasn't even affecting the other genin anymore, he was so used to it. "They wouldn't work on you anyways."

"Of course they wouldn't," Yamato smiled, finding the compliment buried under Hiruma's acidity.

"Good to see you're not getting a big head about it," the blond rolled his eyes.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?"

Hiruma stared at him for a moment, disgust clear on his face. "Don't make what I have to do that much harder, shiny," he scowled.

"And what is it you have to do?" Yamato asked. It vaguely occurred to him that, by having this conversation with Hiruma, he was distracted from planning against Kakashi, and thus getting farther away from getting the bell. Could this be part of Hiruma's schemes? Would he do something like this, even if it meant _he'd _have less chance to go for the bells as well? Would Hiruma—

"We need to team up."

Yamato's mind went completely blank for a moment.

"You know, I expected something a lot more subtle from you—"

Hiruma made a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. "For fuck's sake, if I was going to sabotage you, I would go after the shrimp."

Yamato was instantly alarmed. He narrowed his eyes. "What did you—"

"Have you been listening to a _word _I've been saying? She's _fine_. Hell, we'll go look for her together if you'd just trust me, you fucking shiny."

_And he wonders why I don't trust him_...The genin crossed his arms defensively. "So you want all three of us to work together?"

"_Yes_. And we need to do it sometime _soon,_ or else that cyclops is going to get impatient and come after us."

"But working together means someone loses out in the end. How are you okay with that?"

Hiruma was getting impatient, and an impatient Hiruma was even crabbier than a perfectly happy Hiruma. If that was even possible. "Would you just use that head of yours and think for one damn minute? What the hell would cyclops do with a fucking two-genin team? Don't tell me you're a moron after all."

Yamato tried his best to push away the irritation building up. "You're saying this is a trick. But—"

"You know what? Believe me or not, your choice. But," and he grinned here, the smile accentuating the points of his teeth. "I'm getting the shrimp either way."

And he dashed off into the undergrowth.

Yamato stared at his retreating back for a moment, scoffed, shifted uselessly in place.

Then sighed and ran after him.

* * *

It really was a good book. Entertaining, mind-numbing, not too many hard words.

He'd been reading it for at least twenty minutes.

Not that he that he wasn't enjoying himself, but shouldn't something have happened by now? Overcautious genin were just as bad as reckless genin, really. He scratched his chin, considering his options. Maybe he should do something to drive them into action. Go after them? No, that would take too much effort. Smoke them out? Well, he risked burning down the whole training area, but if he could contain it—

"—iruma, if you hurt her I swear—"

He looked up, eyes turned toward where he estimated the source of the sound to be.

"Kekeke, ready to play fetch, shiny?"

"_Hiruma—"_

"W-wait, you don't need to—"

And then, unbelievably enough, Sena went flying in an arc over the trees, screaming all the way. Kakashi dropped his book as he watched her rise up into the air, only to crash back down fifteen feet into the underbrush.

Silence. Then...

"Are you completely _insane?! _She's your teammate, for fuck's sake!"

"Only two bells—the weakest link had to go."

The jounin narrowed his eyes at this. He expected them to work alone, but to directly sabotage one another? This year's genin were even more disappointing than usual. He had half a mind to go up and fail them right now—

"That doesn't mean you have to go after her yourself!"

Kakashi heard the blond genin cackle again. "What? You're not worried about what happened to her? Hell, maybe she _broke _something on the way down."

Why were they doing this so close to the clearing? Honestly, didn't they think that practically broadcasting this little squabble of theirs would reflect badly on them?

"Dammit—I swear, when I get back—"

There was a crunching of branches as Yamato took off, not even trying to hide himself anymore. Obviously none of them _were _thinking at all. To be so absorbed in their own conflicts that they completely forgot about their entire reason for being their—it was just juvenile. And so, _so _stupid. Granted they were still young, but they had quite a bit of learning to do if they ever hoped to work as a team.

"I-I'm okay!" came a weak voice from the trees. Kakashi spotted a flash of brown racing back to where he estimated Hiruma to be. Obviously Yamato, now sure that Sena was alive and functioning, was racing back to Hiruma a piece of his mind. Or fist.

"Hiruma!" the genin shouted, at the top of his lungs even (could they be any more _obvious_?). "Fine! If this is the way you want to do it, I'm all for it! Now come out and face me head-on!"

"Like hell I will."

And Kakashi heard a series of _thwapings!_—a set of kunai or shuriken being released from a trap Hiruma had likely prepared. Somehow, the jounin wasn't all that surprised.

"Wow, you're hiding behind a trip. I'm _so _surprised."

Apparently Yamato wasn't either.

"Whatever works, fucking shiny!"

The jounin wandered over a little towards the action, peeking between the trees and bushes. He vaguely saw Yamato running full throttle towards a spindly oak, probably guessing based on where Hiruma's voice seemed to be coming from.

In the next instant, a flurry of shuriken came flying his way. Yamato dodged as many as he could, the rest of them sticking harmlessly in the stone coating covering his skin.

"Just thought I'd let you know," Yamato said, panting and somewhat frustrated by this point. "I'm better than you. I always was!"

"Just thought I'd let you know," Hiruma parroted from his mysterious location (five trees over from where Yamato was standing, Kakashi noted), "I don't fucking care!"

Interestingly, the sound wasn't coming from the genin's actual location, but rather a spot directly across from him. Somehow he was throwing his voice. It was a good strategy, honestly—make Yamato go towards the sound, where a trap was ready and waiting for him. Of course, the traps weren't actually doing anything, so all this would accomplish was to make the both of them run around in circles for hours on end—

Then a brown blur dashed in, so fast that, had Kakashi blinked, he wouldn't have seen it at all.

"G-guys," said the blur between gasps. "W-we shouldn't be—"

Then there was a whistling of a rope, and the jounin saw the girl soaring through the air again, this time upside down, hanging by the ankle. She squeaked, swinging uselessly from a tree branch.

"Would you keep her out of it?!"

"Hell, it's not my fault she got in the way!"

Kakashi sighed in disgust. He couldn't watch this anymore. He really couldn't. Obito was probably rolling over in his grave by now. He could bust in on their little...party...tear them apart, and give them a lecture to end all lectures. But no, that would take more effort than they deserved. He would use this time to read his book, then inform them that they had failed almost from the very beginning. It would be a wonderful moment.

Until then...

"You honestly think I'm going to keep falling for your little voice trick?"

"Tch!"

* * *

Several hundred feet away, the real team seven crouched in an ancient maple tree, doing their utmost to hide their presences as they watched the chaos unfold beneath them.

Sena had to wince as she saw her shadow clone finally free herself, only to narrowly miss being speared by a kunai.

"How sturdy are those things, shrimp?" Hiruma barked at her, eyes more focused on the clearing then on the shadow clones' fake fight.

"W-well," she said, unable to take her eyes off fake-Hiruma and fake-Yamato. Fake-Yamato, having finally discovered fake-Hiruma's location, was leaping up onto the tree to get a good hit in. "Unless they're hurt really really badly, or basically killed, they should hold. Though I haven't really been using them all that long—"

"How sturdy is your illusion, Hiruma?" Yamato shot at the genin, in the same harsh tones.

The blond laughed. "If you're going to doubt anything about me, it shouldn't be my illusions. _Who _had the best genjutsu in the academy?"

Yamato gave him a reluctant look of approval, but absolutely refused to say anything.

"Thought so. As long as her clones hold, and as long as nothing happens to me, that fucking cyclops shouldn't suspect a thing."

"But," Sena said, finally tearing her eyes away from the scuffle below, if only to avoid watching fake-Sena trip over a fake wire. "He's a jounin, right? He-he might come after the clones, or catch something we missed—"

Hiruma rolled his eyes. "I really don't want to waste more time on this. Point A: the guy already thinks the worst of us. What's going on down there? Pretty much playing up to his expectations. Point B: he hates our guts, so he won't want to waste effort on us. Probably he's planning on bitching at us after this is all over."

Yamato seemed begrudgingly convinced of this logic. Sena was just hurt over the fact that yet _another _person hated her.

"So," he said, "we bought a little extra time. That's nice, but it isn't going to get us to the bells. Any plans there, Mr. Criminal mastermind?"

"If that was an insult, it was a shitty one," Hiruma grinned. "I _like _being called a criminal mastermind."

"Of course you do," Yamato said, rolling his eyes.

"And of course there's a plan. There's _always_ a plan."

"This is assuming you're even right about the teamwork thing—"

"I _am _right. But," he said, giving him a nonchalant look. "If you want to go after it yourself, be my guest."

Yamato looked torn—torn between his better judgment, and his unwillingness to follow anything Hiruma had planned out.

"I-I trust him," Sena pitched in, in her quiet way.

"See?" the genin flashed his excessively pointy teeth. "She trusts me."

Yamato gave him an annoyed stare. He was right, of course he was right. Dammit.

"Fine," he said finally. "What are we doing?"

And, as they discussed their plans, fake-Yamato tried to tackle fake-Hiruma. Fake-Sena, still trying to break the two of them apart, jumped in the middle of the fray. She hadn't taken into account that Yamato wouldn't stop. Thus, the three fake-genin went down, ending up on the ground like a fake-team seven sandwich.

"And that's what we're going to do," Hiruma said with relish, having finished his explanations despite the author's blatant attempts to hide them from the audience.

Sena, naturally, could only say one thing.

"EHHHHHH?"

* * *

Blatant is blatant (I fail).


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: And this is where you see me fail at action scenes :/ I mean _really_. Hopefully I'll get better at them as time goes on.

Uh...in any case, thanks again for all the awesome _awesome_ reviews! They make my world go round, they really do. I read them and feel motivated to write all over again.

Oh, and just so you know--I changed Kyuubi to a falcon demon because I thought of speed and Sena, etc. etc., but it makes more sense if it's a fox. I'll replace it eventually, but until then, thought I'd let everyone know.

AND FINALLY. Quick question—do these guys seem like 12-year-olds to you? They don't to me, to be honest. So I was thinking I'd move their ages up to their ES 21 ages. Thoughts?

* * *

There were many things about her life Sena wasn't so happy with. Her horrible apartment, for starters, and the general feeling of disgust towards her for another. She constantly wished that she was smarter, stronger, more outgoing, more popular. Oh, and a couple of parents might be nice too.

However, she couldn't help but think of this singular moment in her life as possibly the worst.

There she was, half-hidden behind a thorn bush, the thought of what she'd have to do next freezing her to the spot. Live in an apartment infested with termites? She could deal with that. Pay for food at double the normal cost? Not the best thing in the world, but she could live with it. Get shunned or occasionally spat at? Well, she was at least used to it.

Take on an elite jounin twice her age? Cripes.

Could she back out? No, no, she had to do this, otherwise Hiruma would _kill_ her. Oh, but would Kakashi-sensei kill her? She really hoped not—that would probably be a little painful, among other things. Oh God, what was she doing? She was going to fail miserably, she just _knew _it.

And yet, while she couldn't see or hear them (well, above the fake fighting, anyway), she could feel the rest of team seven somewhere behind her, watching. She wasn't alone this time. She had a team, and they would help her.

So, taking a deep breath, she stepped into the clearing.

* * *

The look on Kakashi's face when Sena stepped out of the forest was priceless. Or it would've been, had anyone been able to see it under the mask.

The man blinked from where he was standing on the grass, lowering his book and staring at the girl. She looked even tinier from ten feet away. "I can't say I expected you to break away first."

She was shaking terribly—he could see her knees almost knock together. "I—um, i-it doesn't s-seem l-like they're g-going to do a-anything, um, in the n-near future." Even her speech was affected.

He considered her for a moment. "If you don't mind me saying so, I don't think you're going to be doing anything anytime soon either. You look like you're about to fall over."

Sena swallowed, inwardly counted to ten, took a deep breath. "It's—it's worth a shot, right?" she shrugged her shoulders, trying to act blase. The effect was somewhat ruined when her voice squeaked on the last word.

He paused. "Well," he shrugged in a sincerely blase move, "I suppose so."

And, in the next minute...no one moved a muscle. The silence was awkwardly punctuated by a "no one ever liked you in the Academy!" from fake-Yamato, and a "that's because I was blackmailing all of them!" from the fake-Hiruma.

"Aren't you..." she frowned, "going to put the book away?"

"I'm trying to give you an extra advantage."

She thought about this for a moment. "That's...very nice of you."

"I think so too."

And again, silence.

It was the match-up of the century, the fight of the ages, the face-off to end all face-offs. Sena could practically hear Hiruma hissing in frustration from wherever he was hiding.

"Aren't you going to start?" he asked her, eyes already back on his book.

"Oh!" she jumped, as if she had already forgotten why she was there. "Right. Sorry." By this time, the situation was so awkward that she wasn't even nervous anymore.

She kicked off, getting a kind of rocket start to her dash. It was remarkable really—it seemed, to the naked eye, that one moment she was there, and the next, gone. Kakashi, while surprised, quickly realized that it would be best to have more than half his attention on her.

Throwing aside the book, he could barely throw an arm up before she was there, throwing a fist at his nose. The block wasn't enough, though, he just wasn't prepared for that speed, and it was going to hit—

--and bounce harmlessly off his face. He blinked as he felt the effect—or lack thereof—of the punch.

"That tickled," he mused, as he made to grab for her. Sena, in a panic over how little effect she'd had on him, was already backing away. Maybe he could just sit there, let himself be hit. It would be like getting a massage.

But then Sena dashed in again, nearly a blur. This time, however, she didn't go for Kakashi himself—she tried to sweep past him, hand reaching for the bells as she went by.

He darted out of the way just in time, but it was close. She'd managed to brush them with her fingers.

"You know," he said as he put away the book, Sena watching him warily from a safe distance, "It's polite to tell an opponent when you don't need the advantage he's giving you."

"Huh?" she said, eyes widening. "Oh, sorry, I didn't—"

"That is _not _what you say in a fight, Sena," he said.

He dashed towards her, only to stop when she darted away. Chasing her would be pointless—she had all the muscles of a limp noodle, but her speed a force to be reckoned with. No, probably wouldn't be able to catch her. However...

Kakashi froze in the middle of the clearing, eye darting back and forth. He just had to find her---_there_. A brown blur shot forward again, bee-lining for his right side, where the bells dangled off of his belt. He waited a second, then two, and thrust his elbow in front of his side, protecting the bells.

Her hand went inches above his arm, _barely _touching the bells for a second time. He moved forward to throw a punch, letting her go when she darted away again.

She rushed in again, this time from the right. One, tw—he threw his arm up. This time, her hand bounced harmlessly off of him.

Sena squeaked as he made another half-hearted attempt to hit her—he was afraid she'd end up in the hospital if he actually hurt the girl. She darted away, circling him before running in again.

Kakashi was certain he had the timing down now. Wait a beat, throw his arm up, and there! Her hand couldn't even get near the bells.

She backed away and stayed at a distance, eyeing him warily. It wouldn't matter, no matter how many times she tried to charge at him. As long as he only had to keep track of just her, there was no way she was getting any—

She made a few signs, and a small army of Senas surged out of the smoke.

His eyes widened. Well, there went _that_ plan.

"So, when exactly did you learn kage bu—"

The horde descended upon him before he could get the chance to finish.

What resulted was a flurry of punches, kicks, and attempted grabs at the bells. It was like facing off against a hundred hummingbirds—ultimately harmless, but all of them nearly impossible to catch. Her speed was absolutely amazing.

However, after she'd almost gotten away with the bells for the fifth time, he knew he had to change strategies. He wouldn't be able to guard all of her hits without the Sharingan, and there was no way he was using it against a completely green genin. Gai would never let him live it down, for starters.

He considered his options while putting his arm up to block against six Sena-punches, then twisting around to get the bells from yet another clone. He had a variety of large-range jutsu that would neatly finish a huge portion of the tiny army—Sena definitely wouldn't know how to deal with attacks like that.

But Sena's droopy eyes flashed in his head. There was a good chance that those attacks would hit her as well, and an equally chance they would seriously injure her. It seemed like overkill besides, so that was out.

That left finding the original. He threw an experimental punch at the clone descending upon him, blinking when it made an undignified squeak, rushing to get out of the way. Her fight or flight instinct heavily leaned toward flight, which meant the real Sena would be hanging back somewhere.

He scanned the swiftly moving masses, grabbing one clone by the collar of its shirt and tossing it into another. They both tumbled to the ground, disappearing a second later.

There! He could see her back a ways and a little to the left, half hidden by a young maple tree. Her lack of movement compared to the extremely quick movements of her clone army only made her stand out all the more. He'd have to talk to her about that when this was all over.

Kakashi surged forward, elbowing one Sena-clone, shoving another, and tossing two more to the side. They all fell away with ease, and the rest scattered away from him as they sensed the imminent danger. The sight of it all almost made him laugh—wasn't the point of clones to gang up on the enemy, not run away en masse?

As Kakashi was halfway to the real Sena, the two made eye contact for a split-second. He looked away immediately, keeping her in the corner of his eye, but the damage was done. She knew he was coming after her. This could be a problem—she was at least as fast as him, and if she managed to blend in with the clones—

But all she did was shrink back, eyes wide with fear as she watched him approach. Kakashi frowned. Was she really that afraid of him? Honestly, that almost hurt his feelings. But then, wouldn't she at least _try _to get away from him?

"An impressive jutsu," he told her, closed the gap between them to two feet or so. She was visibly shaking, and obviously unable to move. Her nerves had gotten the better of her. Kakashi grabbed hold of her sleeve. "However, I—"

Suddenly, Sena lightly grasped his own arm, and then closed her eyes. He stared down at her in mild surprise. What in the world did she think she could do? Was she going to try to get her sleeve out of his hand, somehow?

Wait. Her simple blue jacket had something on its shoulder. A tag—

His eye widened.

The explosion went off just as he'd managed to Kawarimi away, the log serving as his replacement going up in flames. He was beset a few seconds later by clones, each getting way too close to the bells for comfort.

Well, it was official. Hatake Kakashi was an _idiot. _

There was no way Sena could come up with a plan like that—it was too devious, too dangerous. She'd be too worried he'd get hurt. No, setting apart a clone so obviously like that and rigging it to explode was a plan that stunk of Hiruma.

Now that he thought of it, he hadn't heard Hiruma or Yamato for a while now. Why hadn't he thought that a sudden mass of Senas popping up out of nowhere would concern them? He'd just seen their terrible rapport yesterday, seen Hiruma's win or die attitude, and _assumed_ their fight earlier was completely real. Clearly, the three genin had taken advantage of the fact he'd severely underestimated them. Hadn't Kakashi himself been the one who preached "look underneath the underneath"? He was almost embarrassed.

This changed everything. His mind raced as he knocked down three more clones dangerously close to the bells on his hip, then throwing another into a group that was particularly close together. If Hiruma was involved, that meant there was some kind of scheme going on. Probably both Yamato and the blond himself were mixed somewhere in the crowd. He was positive Yamato hit relatively hard, meaning he now had to be careful of the clones' hits as well as their grabs for the bells. Hiruma had probably set up more exploding clones and other traps besides.

Kakashi just had to smile, despite his situation. Not so bad after all, were they?

He brought his fingers together. "Kai!"

Two Senas a fair distance away from him poofed back into an irate looking Hiruma and Yamato.

"I think the exploding clone was a dead give away," Yamato said, not even a hint of a smile present on his face.

"Not _now_, fucking shiny," his teammate grunted.

"Inventive strategy, but next time you should make your genjutsu a little stronger," Kakashi commented pleasantly, charging towards them.

They both adopted stricken "oh shit" expressions, running away in opposite directions, the three of them essentially forming a "Y". Sena's clone army, seeing her compatriots were in danger, made to doggy pile on Kakashi. Unfortunately, they didn't consider the fact that, once they were no longer moving, their light bodies weren't really much of an obstacle. The jounin dealt with them quickly.

He went after Hiruma first, grabbing the blond by the scruff of his black T-shirt. The kid made a "gack" sort of noise as Kakashi threw him into Yamato, both of them tumbling to the ground.

They then disappeared. Clones again? When had they switched out?

His eyes widened in realization. They'd purposefully run away at an angle so that their backs were to him, thus hiding their hands. Smart kids. Now where had the real ones gotten off t—

He turned just in time to guard against a fist sailing towards his head. The punch made an impressive 'smack' against his crossed arms, even (to his chagrin) pushing him back a few inches. That one might even bruise.

On the other end of the arm was another Sena, an uncharacteristically confident grin on her (no, _his_) face. Considering the sudden burst of strength, Kakashi was relatively sure this was Yamato. Meaning Hiruma had managed to put up _another _genjutus just after he'd switched out. Yamato, meanwhile, had sensed what was going on, and switched with a clone right behind the jounin. It was flawless teamwork.

Yeah, Kakashi was properly impressed now.

Fake-Sena charged aggressively forward, throwing swift punches and kicks. The jounin dodged and blocked them all, making sure to mentally re-adjust Sena's diminutive stature to Yamato's more substantial one.

A group of three Senas rushed towards them on Kakashi's left side, undoubtedly trying again for the bells. Seeing this, the man cocked his head to the side to avoid Yamato's hit, then planted a hard punch to the genin's chest.

Yamato/Sena widened his eyes as he stumbled back, feet skidding in the dust. Kakashi winced as a jolt of pain went up his arm—was that the stoneskin the Yamato family was so proud of?

He waited a breath, then grabbed hold of the arms of two of the incoming Senas, giving the third a light kick in the stomach. She squeaked a tumbled to the ground a few feet away, disappearing shortly afterward. The other two gave him identical looks of fear as he tossed them towards Yamato.

He made an indignant squawk, ignoring Kakashi for a moment to catch his beloved teammate(s) almost by reflex. The thought that they were only clones, and that probably it wasn't a smart idea to ignore the jounin occurred to him when Yamato looked up a second later. Kakashi was nowhere in sight.

Yamato quickly whipped his head behind him, only to still see no sign of the man. He confusedly looked to his left, to his right, even above him. Had he vanished into the forest? No, the jounin wouldn't retreat like that. The Senas on the battlefield froze in confusion, bodies tensed to immediately spring after the gray-haired man once he re-appeared.

The only place left was...

"Underneath you, moron!" Hiruma's urgent supplied from somewhere in the Sena army.

Too little, too late. The words "Doton! Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu!" rang out through the clearing and Yamato found himself sinking fast, neck deep in the ground.

He blinked, stunned. It had happened so fast.

The Sena clones circled upon Kakashi the moment he stepped out of the ground, hitting and kicking at him with all the speed they could muster. He leaped out of the circle, leaving the Senas to clash with one another before they fully realized what was happening. He noted to himself that her defense was currently vastly better than her offense.

The jounin made another seal, shouted "Kai!" once more, and Hiruma was revealed just a few short feet away from him.

The blond grimaced, heading towards the edge of the clearing. Trying to escape into the forest, then?

It wouldn't work. Kakashi had already circled around the genin, Hiruma being slower than his other two teammates. The jounin pondered on what to do with him while the Sena army, now somewhat decreased in number, rally around Yamato to dig him out.

Kakashi then decided as Hiruma rashly tried to turn about-face, brushing by a nearby oak tree. The jounin pulled out a couple of kunai, sending them flying the genin's way. Four weapons landed with a "thunk" into the tree, each of them catching a piece of Hiruma's clothing with it.

What resulted was a scowling genin, shirt and pants pinned to a tree.

"Two down," the jounin said cheerfully.

Then, for what seemed like no reason at all, Hiruma broke into a smirk.

Kakashi blinked. "Now _what _is so funny?"

"The shrimp's still, up, fucking cyclops."

"I really wish you would stop calling me that."

"Kekeke. In a few seconds you'll have a new team, fucking teacher."

"I don't like that name all that much either."

Kakashi waited a few seconds, out of courtesy.

Nothing happened.

Hiruma dropped his smile.

"Is there supposed to be something happening right now?"

The genin nearly hissed at him. "Fucking shrimp!" he yelled, halfway to enraged. "Get the hell away from the fucking shiny and _do your job_!"

About thirty small forms all froze at once. They quickly stepped away from the half-buried Yamato, all sending apprehensive glances at Hiruma. Meanwhile, Kakashi noticed a flicker of movement as something whipped by him. He narrowed his eyes as he desperately tracked the movement.

There, about fifty feet away now, was another form of Sena, quickly whipping around the clearing.

Kakashi processed this new information. A, this Sena was away from the crowd. B, it wasn't standing around like the standing clone. C, he just had a really damn good feeling. All in all?

He tore after the real Sena.

She sneaked a peek behind her, widening her eyes when she saw him following her. She sped up to get away from him, confirming his suspicions that she was not a clone.

Her clones, sensing their creator's plight, chased after him en masse. He could see that two things could easily happen: one was that she would outrun him, another was that her clones would overtake him. They weren't very strong, but if they were to leap on him as a very large group...

He stopped and turned around, forming seals in rapid succession to deal with the clones first.

"Doton: Doryuheki!"

A rock wall rose up out of the clearing. The Senas at the front of the crowd smacked into it full force, while the Senas behind them tried to dig their heels in to avoid facing a similar fate. What resulted was a chaos of falling Senas, tumbling into one another. A huge cloud of smoke went up as the majority of them disappeared.

Hiruma's eyes widened as he watched the jounin flash through the same seals.

"Watch out in front of you, shrimp!" he called out, as Kakashi called out the jutsu's name once more.

And the real Sena ran headfirst into a wall. Hiruma let out a groan that was part frustration and part anger. She dropped to the ground, letting out a moan of pain.

Kakashi sprinted over, a little sad that the test was over.

"You alright there?" he asked as he crouched over the girl, a hint of real concern in his voice.

She clutched her head in response.

He inspected it—probably she'd get a bump the Kyuubi would heal up right away. Otherwise, no harm done.

Kakashi heard the distant sound of an alarm ringing. "Looks like time's up," he commented, standing up again. "Nice try, everyone." And he was actually being sincere, too. He couldn't remember ever having to use ninjutsu in his bell tests before.

"The _hell_ makes you think it's over?" shouted Hiruma, removing the last of the kunai's attached to his pant leg, then moved into the center of the clearing.

"Hm?" the jounin said, looking up. A piece of white caught the corner of his eye—he focused on it, seeing an exploding tag at the base of the tree right next to Sena's head. It was almost buried under fallen leaves. He scanned the edges of the clearing, picking up several other tags strategically placed. Probably they were the final piece of Hiruma's plan: a chain reaction of explosions meant to herd Kakashi to the center of the clearing, where either Yamato or Sena would be waiting to grab the bells in the confusion. Apparently Hiruma had done more than play the role of puppet master during the test.

"That might've worked," he mused. "A shame Sena here is in the way."

"Don't even _think _about it, Hiruma," Yamato, finally starting to crawl out of his hole.

Hiruma scowled, dropping his head in defeat.

He then grinned, and made the seal to set off the tags anyway.

Kakashi didn't even have the time to be shocked over the genin's actions as the explosions started to go off, the trees bursting apart in showers of bark, going steadily one-by-one to right where Kakashi and Sena were situated.

"_HIRUMA!"_ the gray-haired man distantly heard an infuriated Yamato yell over the chaos.

The jounin grabbed Sena, sprinting away just as the exploding tag on the tree next to them ignited. The force of it knocked them about a dozen feet away, sending them rolling in a mixture of dust and grass.

It still wasn't far enough, however—Kakashi spotted yet another tag a little ways away, brushed over by dust. Hiruma had wanted to make absolutely sure Kakashi would end up where the genin wanted him.

He jumped back up, making sure he still had a secure hold on Sena, and ran at full speed, pushing Yamato and Hiruma along when the two met them halfway, Yamato probably hoping to save Sena, and Hiruma likely going for the bells.

The four of them stayed in the spot Hiruma had probably intended Kakashi to come to, waiting as the last of the explosions completed the destructive circle around the clearing.

When the noise, bursts of flame, and showers of debris finally came to an end, Kakashi looked at Hiruma, the genin lying face-down in the ground as a result of the jounin's particularly hard push forward.

He set Sena down, his eye narrowed.

Hiruma got up, face covered with both dust and a shit-eating grin. He stared at something just past Kakashi's shoulder. The jounin turned his head to look.

There was Sena, swaying uncertainly from both shock and the collision with the stone wall, both bells clutched in her hand. "Did—" she said woozily. "Did we win?" She sat down, clearly not trusting her legs.

All three of them stared at her, Yamato with surprise, Hiruma with glee, and Kakashi with neutrality.

"Kekeke! I told you it wasn't ov—"

Yamato, grasping just exactly what had happened, stomped over and punched Hiruma on the cheek. The force of the hit was enough to send the blond off his feet. He put a hand to what would surely be a terrible bruise and glared.

Yamato glared right back. "What the _hell _were you thinking?! How could you do something like—"

Kakashi placed a hand on Yamato's shoulder, giving him a look that cut off whatever he was going to say. He then turned that look on Hiruma.

It wasn't a glare. Hiruma could deal with glares—could dish them out better than anyone else. What was in that single eye instead was a heavy mixture of quiet anger, disgust, and perhaps worst of all, disappointment.

"What were you trying to prove with that?" he asked, his voice a layer of calm over what was surely a sea of rage. Hiruma felt his defensive glare crash and burn despite himself.

"I knew you'd take her with you," he said, trying and failing to muster up his former bravado.

Kakashi walked forward to tower over the blond, leaving the other two genin to stare wordlessly at the confrontation.

"And if I hadn't?"

Hiruma wavered. Something—regret? Anxiety?—flickered across his eyes before he wiped it away. "You would've," he repeated stubbornly.

"You nearly sacrificed a teammate just for the sake of two bells."

The genin sneered. "It worked though, didn't it?" He smirked over at Sena. "Looks like we passed the test."

The gaze that looked down at him was the very definition of cold. Kakashi inspected him, judged him as if he were looking upon a criminal put on trial. The smirk dropped right off of Hiruma's face—what was left was an uncertain, even scared, expression.

Then the jounin turned away, as if discarding Hiruma from his presence.

"Congratulations," he said, pulling a tired smile on his face as he faced the other two genin. They jumped as they suddenly found themselves the center of attention. "You two are now officially on team seven."

"As for you," he addressed Hiruma without turning his head. The blond nearly flinched. "You'd be better spending another year at the academy and finding another jounin. I can tell you now that I will never teach you."

He put a hand on Yamato and Sena's shoulders and gently guided them away. Sena sent Hiruma an anxious glance before looking forward after almost tripping. Yamato very forcefully told himself that this was a good thing.

They left Hiruma staring down at the ground, alone.

* * *

Kakashi had two visitors that afternoon. The first he expected.

He opened the door around three hours after the bell test, dressed in a very comfortable gray t-shirt and jeans, to see the aged face of the Third Hokage. The elderly man gave him a smile from underneath the massive hat.

Kakashi blinked at him. "Would you like to come in, Hokage-sama?" he asked politely.

The man bowed his head slightly. "Sorry to be dropping in on you so unexpectedly," he said, stepping through the threshold.

"Considering you sign my paychecks, you're welcome anytime you like," Kakashi shrugged.

Sarutobi chuckled as he surveyed the small, one-bedroom apartment. The walls were a plain white, the floors a respectable hardwood, and the furniture utilitarian. A sofa and an armchair sat across from a small TV, while a desk across the room stood next to a solitary bookshelf. The bedroom the next room over simply held a bed and a set of drawers.

"I'm always surprised this place is so neat when I come here, knowing you."

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Well, I'm not here all that often, after all. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Oh, I'm not planning on staying long." He stared at the wall, just past the jounin's head, wishing the man would put a painting of some sort up, just to give visitors something to look at. He cleared his throat. "I heard about what happened during your bell test."

Kakashi sighed as the Hokage said the words he'd been waiting to hear. "Hiruma sent you, right?"

The elderly man made lapsed into a telling pause, again not looking quite at the jounin. "He did talk to me, yes," he finally admitted.

"I haven't changed my mind."

"I realize what he did was rash," the Hokage said gently, "but I really doubt the boy meant any real harm."

Kakashi stared at him a moment, then shook his head. "The exploding tag was inches away from her head, Hokage-sama."

"It wasn't the best of decisions," Sarutobi acknowledged. "But I'm sure he wouldn't have done it if he thought you wouldn't save her."

"He shouldn't have done it at all," the jounin said stubbornly.

The Hokage paused for a moment, lost in thought. "I know how highly you value teamwork," he started carefully. Kakashi stared at him dully. "But he is young, and he is bound to make mistakes. Even you must admit he hasn't had the easiest of childhoods."

"Neither has Kobayakawa Sena."

Sarutobi frowned at this, unable to force away the traces of guilt. "No, Sena hasn't either."

"So that's not a valid excuse."

The old man sighed in frustration. "But you're the only one who can teach him how to use the Sharingan, Kakashi."

He shook his head. "He'll have to make do."

The Hokage looked at him, eyes regretful. "Is there nothing I can do to make you change your mind?"

"No," Kakashi sighed.

"My answer's no."

* * *

When someone knocked on his door two hours later, Kakashi half-expected the Hokage, back to appeal to him once more. He even expected Hiruma, there to, if nothing else, yell at him.

He opened the door to reveal team seven's littlest genin, looking up and down the hallway as if she were not supposed to be there.

"Sena?" he asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Um," she said, looking up at him anxiously. Her voice was soft. "I hope I'm n-not bothering you or anything. I, um, went to the Hokage's Tower to ask for your address and someone said you were here, and um, if you're busy this can wait—"

Sena seemed unable to look him straight in the eye, shifting from foot to foot. Probably she was a little nervous after what happened earlier in the day.

His face softened. This genin he had no problem with. "It's no problem at all, Sena," he said as gently as possible. "What did you need?"

"Well, I was hoping I could, um, show you something," she said, chancing at glance up at his face.

He blinked. "Show me something? Show me what?"

She wrung her hands. "I-it's kind've a long walk, but I think you'll understand when you get there. Um, if you have the time that is. I wouldn't want to mess up your schedule."

Her timidity was almost cute, in a way. He disappeared into his apartment for a moment, grabbing a jacket and his keys. He locked the door behind him, giving Sena a warm smile. His visible eye curved upwards. "Lead the way."

The walk to Sena's unknown destination was rife with awkward silences. Kakashi made a few comments about the weather, forcing his jacket on Sena when he saw her shiver as a cold breeze passed through. She'd underestimated fall weather and come in only a t-shirt and shorts. Sena, initially resisting this through a series of polite "no, I couldn't"s , eventually caved when she saw the jounin wasn't budging. The coat was so big on her she had to gather it around herself to prevent it from dragging on the ground.

They passed through the center of town, through throngs of men and women rushing to the market to grab something for dinner before it closed, or simply going home for the night. As they went further and further towards the outskirts of Konoha, Kakashi noticed the housing became shabbier and shabbier, the streets less maintained.

When they turned onto a street where paint was peeling off of one house, and mold grew on the bricks of an apartment building, Sena suddenly stopped. She stared upwards, and Kakashi immediately knew what they were looking at.

In a street where everything was so rundown, one particular apartment in this building stood out almost comically. The paint on the wood, while the same color as the rest of the building, was completely fresh. The wood planks of that particular section of the wall were also new. In fact, it seemed as though someone had managed to cut off a portion of the building, only to replace it with something much, _much _better.

"...this is quite unusual," Kakashi commented.

Sena nodded. "That's my apartment."

He blinked at her. "I'm not sure I understand."

She jumped. "Oh, I guess you wouldn't just from looking at it, huh? Um, well, until this afternoon, my apartment was just like everything else on this street. But when I came back from the bell test, it was like this. The insides too."

"I see."

She swallowed, then continued with a determined expression. "Hiruma-san did this."

His eyes narrowed in confusion. "Really."

"Um, yes. This morning, he came to see me, and, well, it was a surprise and I nearly hit him with a frying pan—"

_That _he would've loved to see.

"—But that's not the point, really. Anyway, he didn't really like my apartment, and called some people, saying something about a duck. Um, then he said I was getting a surprise. I'm guessing this was, um, it."

Kakashi frowned, staring up at the apartment.

"I was worried that my landlord might raise the rent after all this, but I when to talk to him, he said he was _lowering _my rent. Um, I think Hiruma-san had something to do with that too. He, um, seemed really scared for some reason too."

The jounin "hmm"ed.

"Um, so, I don't know how he did it, and," she blanched, "I don't really _want _to know how he did it, cause his methods are kinda..." she scratched her head. "But he did it."

"He set this up this morning?"

"Yes."

"Before the bell test?"

"What? Y-yes, of course."

Kakashi searched Sena's face intently, causing her to awkwardly look down. But she didn't seem to be lying, and she didn't seem to be afraid either. Hiruma probably didn't threaten her. And the fact that he did all this even before the bell test—

"Um, Kakashi-sensei?" she asked anxiously.

"Hmm?" he said, dragging himself out of his thoughts.

"I, I don't think Hiruma-san's really a bad person. I mean, he's scary, and he can be kinda mean, and I think he threatens people, and, um, he's scary, but—"

A wonderful defense she was building up for him.

"—he's not really a bad person. Do you—do you understand?"

She earnestly stared at him. For the first time that night, she held eye contact for more than five seconds.

He chuckled, reaching down to ruffle her hair. "I'll think about it."

She flinched at the sudden contact. Kakashi pulled his hand away, leaving an even messier head of hair than usual. Sena woefully set about trying to straighten it out, quitting quickly as realized the futility of her actions.

"Ah, I guess it's about dinner time," Kakashi said, sending a lazy glance over towards the setting sun. "How about we go get some ramen?"

"R-ramen? No, I-I couldn't impose—"

"Didn't you like ramen?"

"What? Not really—why does everyone think that?" she blinked. "Wait, that's not the point. Really, you don't have to—"

"Well, barbecue then."

"But sensei—"

And Kakashi and Sena, despite her protests, ending up having barbecue for dinner.

* * *

That evening, Kakashi pulled out his phone book, sank into his couch, and called the final member of team seven.

Hiruma picked up the phone on the second ring. "This isn't over, fucking cyclops," he snarled, his irate voice losing some of its edge as it went through telephone wires. Kakashi wasn't surprised that the genin somehow knew who was calling. "Like it or not, you—"

"Right," Kakashi cleanly cut in, bored voice an extreme contrast to Hiruma's angry one, "we're getting our first mission day after tomorrow. Meet up at the bridge at 9:00."

Silence at the other end of the phone. "Wha—"

"See you there, Hiruma," the jounin said. "And by the way, you seriously owe Sena." He hung up the phone right as the kid got over the surprise enough to formulate a response.

Kakashi always did enjoy getting the last laugh.

* * *

A/N: I recalled something Musashi said about Hiruma never trusting his teammates in the beginning, and that he was essentially fighting by himself. I figured that would become an issue eventually, so why not now? Hope it wasn't out of character. Well, all's well that ends well, yes?

(On a completely unrelated note, this clocked in at around 16 pages. Woo!)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Disclaimer—yeah, no. I don't own the tiniest part of either Eyeshield or Naruto, and I will never own either. You can tell by both series not being a weekly acid trip (seriously, why does what I write never make sense).

You know, I was thinking about Sena=Naruto, and I realized that would mean that Sena's father would, well, be the Hokage. Yeah. Picture that for a moment. Oh man, if someone were to actually draw that for me, I would, I dunno, give you a million dollars. Okay, I don't have a million dollars, but I would write you something awesome anyway.

Sorry this is so short, and so unbelievably late, but I've been struggling with a few things lately. I also caught George RR Martin's take on fanfiction and felt enormously bad.

So I want to say this: creators of Eyeshield 21 and Naruto, I do this out of love for both your worlds and your characters. It's also great writing practice. I would never try to take any of your property away from you, or something horrendous as that. And if you ask me to stop, I will do so immediately.

Just got out of hospital today. Will write more soon.

* * *

Sena could hear that familiar sound in the background even before she realized where she was-that incessant _drip, drip, drip_ of water snaking its way from pipes and walls to the shallow pools covering the tips of her sandals. She put a hand against a nearby wall to steady herself, grimacing as she felt the cold ooze of a perpetually damp surface.

She was here, yet again. And there was only one way out.

She sighed, wiped her hand on what seemed to be a pair of pajama pants, and slushed forward through the shallow water. She could recognize the turns and twists in the passage even before they came—a right there, straight here, take a left fifteen steps ahead. All the while the rusted pipes seemed to weigh heavily on her from their places on the walls and ceiling.

Just one more turn and-ah, there she was.

She came into a larger room, the corridors giving way to a wide, circular space. In front of her were a set of metal bars that reared far overhead. What was behind the metal bars was the real problem, however.

Sena approached the cage cautiously as ever, stopping a safe distance away.

"Well now," a voice drifted from behind the bars. She flinched at the sound of it, inching back as a tall, lanky figure made its way forward. He made the space behind him seem comically oversized. "Been a while, hasn't it?" Sena narrowed her eyes as a man came into view, leaning against the bars with arms loosely crossed.

"I," she started glancing over the man's spiked blond hair. "You look different again."

"True," he smiled, twisting his strong nose, blue eyes, and broad mouth into something resembling 'ruggedly handsome'. The last time she'd seen him, he'd had wrinkles and graying hair. "I thought I'd go for something a little younger this time. Looking decrepit loses its charm rather quickly, I'm afraid."

She looked away, edging back further to lean against the wall, damp or no. She clasped her hands and looked resolutely at her feet.

"Oh come _on_," the man behind the bars whined. "We're not doing this again, are we?"

Her lips pressed into a tight line.

"We are, then? Great," he sighed, propping his cheek on a curved hand. "Let's just stand around in silence for hours, then. That'll be loads of fun, I'm sure."

She stood resolutely silent.

He stared at her for a moments, beginning to tap on the bars with overlong fingernails. Sena started to pick at her thumbs, but said nothing.

He sighed again. Then straightened. "Fine, don't talk. _I'll _talk. Will that suffice?"

She frowned. "What does suffice me-" then her eyes widened, and she clamped her mouth shut again.

"Ha!" he laughed, the smile lighting up his eyes. "Caught you."

Sena bit her lip and looked down at her toes. She mumbled something quietly to her feet.

He cupped a hand around his ear. "Sorry? Didn't quite get that."

"I-" she started, then sighed, looking up. "Why do you keep bringing me here?"

He blinked at her for a moment, a look of bemused confusion on his face. "_Me _bring _you _here?" He laughed. "If I could do that, Sena, you'd be down here every night. No," he shook his head. "You came here of your own will."

"But I-" she stopped, giving him a half-hearted glare. Then she sighed, leaning back against the far wall. "Nevermind, then."

"So," the man grinned. "How was your day?"

"Why ask when you already know?" she mumbled, scuffing the toe of her sandal with the side of her other shoe.

"I suppose that's a fair point. Those teammates of yours are complete _pricks_, by the way. I'd dump 'em the minute you get the chance."

She gave him an odd look. "But they're my team." She paused for a minute. "And they're not so bad. Well, maybe not _really _bad."

The man snorted. "One of them tried to blow you up. The other wouldn't hesitate to leave you in the dust if you conflicted with his own self-interests, crush or no."

"Wait, crush? What cru-"

He stepped back from the bars, giving her a careless shrug. "All I'm saying is you shouldn't trust them. Or rely on them. You know they'll just let you down. Maybe even hurt you."

Sena narrowed her eyes. "Why do you keep saying that? It—it can't be true about everyone."

He spread his hands wide, giving her a pitying look. "But it is. The only one you can rely on is yourself."

"But," she said, feeling herself starting to lose ground. She hated this, and she hated him. Why did she have to come here? He made her, she just knew he did. Otherwise—there was no way that- "That means I can't trust you either."

"Of _course _you can trust me, Sena. I'm part of you now, aren't I?"

His tone was warm and rich. She hated that too. Hated how welcoming it was.

She shook her head. "I'm—I'm leaving."

The man's sigh was long suffering. "I don't understand why you just won't let me help you. I've been there for you. You know I have."

"I—no. No. You're supposed to be evil. You're, well, you're the Kyuubi and I won't listen to you and-and I still hate you!"

The words came out in a rush and left her feeling half her age. She winced at the sound of them.

He just shook his head. "I guess I don't blame you for feeling that way, all things considered."

She bit her lip, balled her hands into fists, and turned to walk back through the passageway. She'd—she'd crouch in the hallway until she woke up if she needed to.

"May I leave you with food for thought, before you go?" he asked her back. "C'mon, you at least owe me that," she could practically hear

She wouldn't turn around, wouldn't let him get to her-

"What?" she asked, turning her head anyways.

"There's a saying. Well, I think it's a saying, and if it's not, it should be one. 'History is always written by the victor.' Have you ever heard that?"

"I-" she faltered. "No, but-"

"I lost that day, twelve years ago. The Konoha ninja won, and so painted me in an image of their choosing. I became the great, hulking mass of evil chakra. A shame that my side of the story got lost in the process."

She saw his face twist with bitterness, then anger. The words seemed so genuine, so—no. Oh, she hated him. "That—that doesn't mean you're not evil."

He raised an eyebrow. "So I see. Well then," he threw a hand up in resignation. "I see there's no convincing you, as always. Just remember that there's always more than meets the eye in any situation, Sena. That goes for what happened then, and for your teammates. In time you'll see I'm just looking out for your best interests. I'm the only one who is, really."

She hated him. Really really hated him. Hated him so much for saying these things.

She hated herself more, though, for wanting to believe them.

"Oh, and Sena?" he called, laughter in his voice again as she rushed out into the hallway. "Don't look down!"


End file.
